Facing the Truth

I hate starting this new blog off with a Debbie Downer string of posts, but I'm just being honest and truthful about how I'm feeling.

This morning, I stepped on the scale and found a number that I wasn't too happy to see. I've been hitting the wall for the past two months. My eating hasn't been as in control as I'd like it to be. I'm also not exercising near as often as I'd like to. Who's fault is that? Mine and mine alone. I control what goes in my mouth, and I decide whether I can spare 30-45 minutes a day to work out. And, the reality is that I've been making some bad decisions lately. What I'm faced with is the honest truth: I need to be in control. I *am* in control. I just need to remember that.

Back in December, I wrote a list of goals for myself. I opened that document today and looked over it. I have some pretty lofty goals, but they're my goals. My ultimate goals are:

1) I want to lose 40 pounds by the end of 2010.
2) I want to look good at my own wedding in June 2011.
3) I want to wear a single number size.

A 40 pound goal in eight months means a five pound loss each month. Totally doable. Another issue that I'm having with my body image is that I've completely stopped all my strength training: big mistake. That helped me tighten up and have some fabulous arms that I was proud to show off last summer. I want to get there again. I want to feel good about myself. And right now, that's just not happening.

This week's Glee contained this song, and, watching it last night, it really hit home. Sometimes we need to realize that we're beautiful, even when we aren't feeling our best.

Do these sweatpants make me look thin?

I had to laugh today. I had a weekly appointment at the allergist for my immunotherapy, and when I got home, I put my sweatpants back on. It's automatic. I'm going to be working at home, I want to be comfy (although I think that wearing sweatpants for the past 4 months has made it easier for me NOT to lose these 20 pounds), and it just makes sense. What I didn't expect was to catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror and admire how my $5 walmart sweatpants looked with my Ann Taylor Loft cardigan. You know you're on the slippery slope if you're admiring yourself in sweatpants :)

I went for a wonderful walk in the evening sunshine. My goal for this spring/summer before it gets too hot is to try to work out outside as much as possible to enjoy the sunshine and fresh air. My walk was about 3 miles long and it lasted 50 minutes. Not completely hard core, but better than sitting in my sweatpants in my comfy apartment.

Thirteen Months to Life

Hi! You might know me from Taking Chances or Hard Core Kiki. Regardless of where you met me in my weight loss journey, a lot of things have changed. I started blogging back in January 2008, after a tough separation and moving back on my own. During that time, I had gone from being 240ish pounds (I mean, who really knows their weight at their highest?) to 210, and during my time on Taking Chances, I lost 50 pounds, taking me down to 180. I moved my blog over to Hard Core Kiki last summer, because I felt tough. I had adjusted to my new life as a single gal, and I was ready to take on the world. Last summer, I was at my lowest adult weight of 172.

A lot of things have changed between now and then.

I started dating and got engaged to the most wonderful guy in the world. He is exactly what I was looking for, and I could not ask for more. During the spring 2010 semester, I've also been on sabbatical, which is a lot more stressful than anyone can imagine it is, not to mention isolating. I've also been dealing with some medical stuff (nothing serious, but something that has definitely affected my life and my body). Finally, I gained 20 pounds between October 2009 and January 2010. And they don't want to come off.

So, here I am... a 192 pound engaged lady facing down daily work, life, and wedding issues. So, while you may be used to a fitness blog, there are a lot of different issues... LIFE issues... that will be discussed here as well. However, my goal is to NOT be a fat bride. I was a ginormous bride the first time around (can I say how relieved I was to be able to throw out Wedding #1's pictures because I thought I resembled this in them?) and I am determined to be a fit and healthy bride this time around and carry that into the next stage of my life as a married woman.